Rain and a mailbox

We're having another rainy day here! The other day W2 asked, "How can the clouds hold all this rain?" and though I know it's different clouds every day, I have to ask myself the same question! Rain rain rain.

Today it's just W1 and I, as W2 is at a (probably very rainy) baseball game in Des Moines. Between the rain and the cold and the readily available TV/video game systems, we decided on a lazy day. We've watched SportsCenter, cartoons, softball, cartoons, and of course, the mailbox.

One of W1's friends called and announced which homeroom teacher he got for the school year. Now, W1 has been checking the mailbox every 7 minutes to see if his letter from the school has gotten here yet. As of right now, no luck. But the mail usually comes around noon so it should be any time now...

Quality Time

Recently, everyone in my house has been busy, irritable, tired, and mostly very busy. I haven't spent much time with my family, who I love spending time with. So last night, after 5 hours of youth group and only 30 minutes with my family all day, I asked my mom to go on a walk with me. It was a gorgeous night and I thought for sure she would jump on the opportunity to spend time with her awesome daughter. 

But instead, she moaned a poor excuse about Sunday nights being Mad Men night, Mad Men being a TV series that my parents watch together. 

Lets just say, my selfish human nature threw a little hissy fit. I went to my room, watched my own TV show, tweeted a few times about how my mom chose a TV show over me, and pouted. I was understandably, I thought, upset that my mom didn't want to spend time with me. I mean, does she even realize I'm going to college in 3 months? She should be spending as much time with me as she can! But she would rather watch TV.

I pouted and fumed all night, and as I woke up this morning, I was still put out. No one was awake as I got ready to babysit, so I had my thoughts to myself. I thought about ways to make my mom feel guilty. I scripted my pathetic speech that would make her regret her choice. 

And out of nowhere, a thought came into my head. A convicting, unwanted thought. A thought that showed me I had absolutely no right to be upset with my mom.

Memories flashed through my mind of all the times God desired my presence, and I watched TV instead. All the times I had to choose between time in the Word and a nap, and I took a nap. All the opportunities I had to spend quiet moments with my Heavenly Father, and I scrolled through Facebook instead. 

Wow, talk about guilt.

It's simply easier to lose oneself in TV, sleep, video games, Facebook, etc. It's easier to do that than to take the time and effort to build relationships. Building relationships, with the Lord or with your daughter, takes time, respect, open ears, and an open heart. Facebook just takes eyes and a thumb.  

So Mom, I'm sorry I threw you under the bus for choosing Mad Men over a walk. And God, I'm sorry for all the times I chose TV over you. 

Lord, please set my priorities in the correct order. In my heart, you are number one. But in my actions, I don't put you first. I find joy in being comfortable and lazy, when true joy can only come from losing myself in you. Please show me how to put you first in everything I do.

Summer Fun!

This summer, I'm spending most of every day with two boys, W and W. They are old enough that I'm basically just here to make lunch, provide transportation, and break up fights. Frankly, they would be perfectly content to sit around and watch Johnny Test all summer (which is what we've done so far). But I think I should corral them away from the TV and towards other activities at least once a day!

So we've compiled a list of things we want to do this summer! Will we do all of them? Probably not. But it gives us a place to start! :)

Places to go:

• Story City pool
• rec center
• library
• a baseball game
• bowling
• Roland pool
• the park in Story City
• the Carousel
• the Greenbelt hiking trail
• Ames water park
• Reiman gardens
• the dollar theater
• Nevada pool

Things to do outside:

• have a water gun fight
• have a water sponge fight
• make a 2 liter sprinkler
• play basketball
• have a lemonade stand
• go on a picnic

Things to do inside:

• read for the library reading program
• play board games
• make jello worms
• make bouncy balls
• do origami
• invite friends over
• make ice cream in a bag
• have a movie marathon
• bake cookies or other treats
• make a pet jellyfish

Special trips:

• Adventureland
• Perfect Games
• SkyZone

In Awe and Unsettled

As we speak, I'm sitting in the middle of a blob of reds and purples on the radar. Outside, the rain is falling at a steady and torrential pace. More frequently than not, the sky lights up with bright flashes. A few seconds later, the skies rumble and the ground shake. And I simply sit in awe. 

"Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked."

Psalm 77:18 

Every single time it storms, I am in awe at God's power and strength. Yes, God is a loving god. Yes, He is kind, merciful, and caring. But He is so much more than just that! He is massive, powerful, controlling, strong, and incomprehensible. For some reason, I can see God more clearly than any other time when it storms. 

The boys I'm babysitting -- one loves the storms, the other doesn't yet. He's at the age where it's not cool to be scared anymore, but storms still terrify him. The crashes catch him off guard and the lightning is unsettling. And I completely understand; maybe I should be more like him! 

In the face of a perfect and holy God, maybe I should be unsettled. Yes, I should be in awe. Yes, I should fall before his wonder. But He is unlike anything else in this world: bigger, more powerful, and more massive than anything I've ever known. Just like a massive thunderstorm is bigger and more powerful than anything this 3rd grader has ever seen. 

Holy God, teach me to be unsettled by You. Show me that I will never be able to fully grasp how powerful You are, and that that should scare me a little. Keep sending me storms so I can sit in awe of your power. Never let me feel too familiar with you -- you aren't a god I can keep in my pocket; you are God. 

The Highest Father

Some days I am completely taken aback by the love of parents. Moms and dads have this crazy way of self-sacrificing with no ulterior motives. They change dirty diapers, sit through terrible middle school band concerts, clean up puke, clean up toys, and clean up.. well.. everything. For no other reason than they love their child. And I am amazed by that.

Even more amazing than that: God loves me as His child. God would sit through my terrible middle school band concerts, because He loves me. God would clean up my puke when I'm sick, because He loves me. God would sacrifice a part of Himself, His holy son, for me, because He loves me. How unbelievable is that!

Some days I am completely taken aback by the love of parents, despite their child. I have met bratty, ungrateful, angry, and moody children whose parents still love them unconditionally. I have met parents who are broken, worn out, defeated, and alone whose kids are still the center of their universe. This unconditional, never changing love is mind-blowing. 

Even more amazing than that: God loves me as His child. When I am belligerent and demanding, God still loves me. When I am hateful, spiteful, and angry, God still loves me. When I am aloof, full of pride, and undeserving, God still loves me. That is the true definition of unconditional love. 

Father, thank you so much for Your constant love. Thank you for loving me more than I deserve. Thank you for showing me day after day that you love me despite my failures, my insecurities  my selfish desires, and my sinful choices. You have set the utmost example of what it means to be a parent, because you are the Highest Father. Thank you.

Here am I. Send me!

I'm done! As crazy as it is to think about, I'm completely and unbelievably done with high school. I'm excited, nervous, relieved, fulfilled, eager, thankful, and victorious. One chapter of my life is ending, and another chapter is just beginning. 

Right now, I'm not sure what that next chapter has in store for me. College, sure. But what about mission trips, new friends, difficult classes, hidden passions, lonely nights, or brand new adventures? Am I going to get married and have babies? Am I going to move to Guatemala and teach the kids how important it is to get an education? Am I going to get a master's degree? Am I going to drop out of college and follow some crazy passion instead?

I don't know. And actually, it scares me that I don't know. I like to know the plan, what happens first and second, and where I'll end up. But that's not how life works. Trust me, if I could make life work like that, I would! I can't though. So instead, I have to trust that my future will be exactly what God has planned for me. And I have to be willing to go where God sends me.

"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. ² Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. ³ And they were calling to one another: 

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;    the whole earth is full of his glory.” 

⁴ At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. ⁵ “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.” ⁶ Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. ⁷ With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.” ⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

When I read Isaiah 6, I desire to be just like Isaiah. I desire to fall before the Lord in awe. I desire to be surrounded by the train of his robe. And when the Lord asks me, "Whom shall I send?" I desire to say, "Here am I. Send me!" It doesn't matter what the Lord has planned for my future; it could be Africa or a white picket fence. Wherever God sends me, He will use me. All I have to do is say, "Here am I. Send me!"

Father, give me a spirit of flexibility. Give me a desire to follow Your plans, not mine.